Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize