Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
