what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
