I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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