you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
