My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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