And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
