and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
