I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
