dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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