I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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