i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
sarcasm needs its own font
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
