Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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