I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
