Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
