You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
