dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
