I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
