I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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