Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize