he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
