He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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