Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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