the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The beer is more important than you right now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
