He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Randomize
