so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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