So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
