I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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