I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize