So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
