That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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