I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
