Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
