using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
