He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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