My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
