At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
