So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
