She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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