if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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