i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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