Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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