Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
