Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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