i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
