I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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