I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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