Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who died my cat blue again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
