My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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