Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I stole a fireplace last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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