My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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