No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize