I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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