I can text with my tongue
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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