I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
