Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
