Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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