nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm at about main and main street
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
