I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
