I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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