roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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