My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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