fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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