So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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