Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
