Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
