Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
